We all have stories.
To be clear, what I mean by stories is the combination of our life experiences and beliefs. Some of our stories are less pleasant than others. My personal story is filled with so many experiences that when I shared it, it left others wondering how I wasn’t on the side of the road with a needle in my arm or even dead. Often I was asked, “Why are you not a statistic?” Every time someone asked me that question, I would ponder it for days. As my life went on, the desire to share my story faded. I didn’t feel the need to tell it as much. Sure, occasionally I may if I am asked or if someone could benefit from a lesson I learned from one of my experiences, but for the most part, I feel at peace.
I have noticed that some people like to not only tell their story but they end up living there. I am not judging; it is just an observation. As I listen to people share their stories, I am often amazed that they do not seem to have the awareness that the person they are talking to, whether it is me or someone else, has a story too. Because we all come from different backgrounds, educations, and upbringings, our perspectives of our stories can vary, and what seems terrible to one person may seem like a cakewalk for another. That does not mean that either story is worse or better; it is whatever the person believes it to be.
Our stories are just that, stories. We decide from our past experiences and beliefs how we are going to take on a choice and the results are what we experience in that moment. Those experiences then become part of our story and get filed away until we make our next choice. When we need to make a new decision for another choice, we call upon our past experiences and beliefs. The process is repeated over and over again. The pieces are then woven together and create our stories.
In my work, I often see how people’s untold stories can get in the way of communication. It is normal human behavior to analyze someone when they are talking. In essence, what we are doing is running the information through our filters – i.e. our stories – and then we draw conclusions. It is in this moment where the real opportunity lies.
What if we could put our stories to the side and just get really curious about each other? It can be uncomfortable for us to do because our evaluation process has been handed down to us for centuries and we don’t even consciously realize we are doing it.
What if we could reprogram ourselves to hear the story and to listen with the curiosity of a child? Do you remember when we were little and asked “Why?” all the time? “Why, why, but why?” Some of us were shut down with the good old-fashioned go-to, “Because I said so.” That becomes part of our evaluation process that was handed down to us and then we just accept what is in front of us as the truth. The good news is we are programmable. Just like a computer can get updates, so can we. As I said, it can be uncomfortable for a time, but it can become part of our process naturally over time.
One of my biggest “Ah-ha!” moments came to me as I was reading. I realized life isn’t about our stories; it’s about how quickly we move beyond them. It is about learning to extract the lesson and keep moving forward in a positive direction to our bigger goal.
I believe our stories are the vehicles on our life path.Some of them can take us off course for a bit, some can be a detour, others put us in the pit stop, but the ones that catapult us to the finish lines are the ones we can quickly put behind us and continue driving to the finish line even when the tires are in flames.
If you find yourself in the pit stop too long, maybe it is time to find someone with a bigger story that makes you grateful for the one you have. Often this is easier than we think. I was at a Tony Robbins event when a woman shared her experience from a mission trip. She shared the story of a woman who drove her son on a moped for 7 hours one way just so he can get a $25 hearing aid. For me, that was a surreal moment when I realized that even though my story has unpleasant moments, there is always someone else somewhere in the world who may have more unpleasant moments than myself. It is in this moment that I remind myself that everything is always happening for my best. I know some of you may question that theory or even challenge me. That’s okay. I respect where you are. The beauty of our world is that it is okay not to agree with everyone about everything; it just appears that we may have forgotten to respect each other for it. After all if we all thought exactly the same about everything what would our world look like?
