When I was a little girl, about eight years old, my parents took me to see the circus. During the show I was asked if I wanted to ride on the elephant. My mom encouraged me to go, but my fear overtook me, and I declined. It is an opportunity that to this day I regret passing up on. In fact, that memory is the reason I pushed myself to experience a live Tony Robbins event, “Unleash the Power Within.” I was terrified at just the thought of walking across fire never mind actually doing it.

I knew this experience would push my body, mind, and soul. I wondered how I would handle five long and freezing days. Tony is known for speaking twelve hours straight with no breaks. He also keeps the arena very cold. In fact, one of the staff members said it was colder than what they normally have it set for ice hockey games.

Because of my concerns, I interviewed anyone I knew who had attended this event in hopes of discovering tips and tricks to make it through. Not one person could remember how they made it through with little food, bathroom breaks, long nights, etc. You are free to do any of those things at the event when you need to; funny thing is most people do not want to. In fact, it is one of my four top takeaways from attending.

My top four takeaways from the event are:

1. Fear is part of our lives.

It is never going to go away. What matters is how we handle it. I was terrified to walk on fire. I am so glad I shared my goal with my community who subscribe to my monthly e-newsletter. It held me accountable. Because I was filled with so much fear, I challenged myself not only to do it, but to take it on fully. What I mean by “fully” is to feel my fear and do it anyhow. I challenged myself to be one of the first ten people in my group to go. When it was my turn, I stepped up with confidence and determination that I was no longer going to let fear rob me. No more missed opportunities. No more regrets. No more wondering what if I had ridden on the elephant? How would that have changed my life path if I learned to feel the fear and do it in spite of it?

2. Fear was far greater than the act of doing it.

Have you ever planned a big event like a wedding? It takes months, maybe even years to plan. The day comes and goes so quickly. As you look back, you may have thought, “All that for a few hours?”  That is how my fear felt after I accomplished the walk. I realized the buildup around my fears is far more than the fear itself. I am now committed to recognizing my fear and immediately taking action when I feel it. I will no longer waste minutes, days or even years over it. Thinking about it almost 40 years later, I still regret not getting on the elephant! Just like any other habit, the more I do it the easier it becomes.

3. We all have the same fears.

Imagine yourself in an arena with over 10,000 people from 71 different countries from infants to seniors, from all social and economic statuses, and seeing every hand go up when asked the questions, “How many people feel they are not enough?” and “How many people fear they will not be loved?” As I scanned the room from the floor to the nose-bleed seats, I was truly stunned to see every hand raised. It took my breath away and brought tears to my eyes. It also gave me validation and passion for my work. I always teach we are “one conversation away from compassion.” In that moment, it was verified by over 10,000 people from all over the world. Because of this experience, I am even more committed to my vision of “putting human back into our race.” We all have the same needs. We all act in ways to get our needs met, some more healthy than others. At heart, we all just want to be accepted and loved.

4. I can do far more than I believe I am capable of.

I was panicked at the thought of how I was going to endure long cold days. I did my best to prepare. I brought protein bars; layered up my clothes and made sure I had plenty of water. I am geeked on the study of Neuroscience and the bio chemical reaction in the body. What I got to do was participate in an experiment of how that works. You may have heard about all the jumping, dancing, screaming, etc. that happens at Tony’s event. You may even think it is silly and brush it off. The bottom line is: all of that has been scientifically researched and designed to create a chemical reaction within the body. I was amazed that I could not only sustain the conditions, but thrive in them. I had more energy than I could even imagine. I learned that, just by moving my body, I can change my state quicker than you can snap your fingers. I plan to use this technique moving forward. If you happen to pass my office or see me prior to keynote/training, jumping, dancing and screaming, I am not crazy.  I am just changing my state to give my peak performance.

I had many more takeaways, which I am happy to share if you want to reach out. I cannot tell you walking on fire is the only way I could have gained such clarity.  But what I can tell you is the experience left me with a great visual. For me, the fiery coals are all the obstacles life puts on our path. The end of the walk represents achieving our goals and desires. Learning how to put my mind over matter helped me not run, but walk over them, acknowledging their very existence, yet keeping my eye on the result. Getting to the end of the walk symbolized for me that I can feel my fears, yet move through them gracefully and achieve the goals I dream of. It is, in fact, my mind over matter which determines my outcomes both personally and professionally.  Feel the heat and choose to walk gracefully in the directions of your dreams, in spite of your fears!